But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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