I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
