Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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