he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
