I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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