I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
smell my finger.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
