Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
