I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
