I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
