You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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