Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
