It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
only you would photoshop your dick
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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