Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
