I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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