im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The air was thick with penises
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
