i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
