Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
