I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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