I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
