you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
