Pregnant stripper...not hot.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
