I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
