Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
