Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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