I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I need help removing her.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
