if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
