they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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