You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
