i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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