There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
