He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
