handjob tips. give me some.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
