I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
