I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
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