Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
