so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
