My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
