if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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