They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize