I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
