if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
