that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
