i just had sex bonerless
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
