Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
