surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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