Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
