i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize
