I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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