yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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