Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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