No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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