covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i think i just lost a toe
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
