the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
