Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
