Who wears a wallet chain?!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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