dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
