Say something about gay babies.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
