the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
