Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
How external is "for external use only"?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
