There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
