I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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