do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
