you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize