So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
