I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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