Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
