I'm really into asian looking animals
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
