I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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