oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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