I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
