Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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