At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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