Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize