can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
