Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
