True but thats because hes a fetus.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
